rose in bloom - Introduction and Me and Who I Was
rose in bloom
(Dedicated to the memory of John Campbell Davidson 💕)
Introduction:
As a fuller figured woman,
with interests extending from my family to fashion;
beauty therapies that enhance my looks;
the arts to fine music;
cinema and the theatre;
top quality cuisine including good wine;
reading good books;
travelling;
taking holidays alone or with friends;
guest speaking;
visiting friends and family;
meeting with business colleagues;
participating as a Grandma
with other young Mums in kinder duty;
baby sitting grand-kids;
shopping; visiting coffee shops and restaurants;
writing;
guest speaking on all manner of subjects,
and scores of other brilliant things
I’ve come to the stage of believing myself to be a well-rounded, intelligent, articulate, full bodied voluptuous woman, completely at ease with my size and shape. It wasn't always this way, believe me, and you'll soon find evidence of this as you read on.
Me and who I was
Baby fat & cuddly school years filled with negative self talk
Are you ready? Because I have no doubt my story is going to surprise you. I hope it does. Not that I have all the answers - oh no. Though what I can share I will willingly do, because my life and words may also inspire you to use some of my hints and strategies in your search for your true self.
Yet in saying that, my story is not unlike any other woman's story - merely possibly different circumstances, a different era, different customs, different ideas, and different economic times.
My birth weight in no way indicated I was to become a BIG girl in weight, size and appearance. I was chubby and cuddly. According to everyone back then, as indeed today, you grew fat because you ate too much. Even as a baby. The fact that your mother, all your aunts and female cousins, your grandmothers and their siblings and so on, were all considered to be “homely”, “fair”, “cuddlesome” and “bonny”, did not for some reason reinforce the idea that “big” was a family female inheritance, not one gained by non-stop eating! Thank goodness some of us now realise that “genes” and not merely over-indulgence has a lot to do with our body shape and size.
As a result of having a mother who was short, fat, adorable, loving and extremely kind and patient, I was protected to the best of her ability during my very early childhood, from vented dislike by and from other people, including other family members, based on my size. She was unable to protect me from my father's attitude however hard she tried, but she did her very best. In retrospect I believe that it was as a result of her unconditional love and acceptance, that I was, as an adult, able to work through my feelings of non-acceptance and to reach the place where I am at today. I guess deep down I was always sure I was a real and worthwhile person. To many people, both in the family and outside of it, I was considered to be someone who would never achieve, and certainly would never reach my full potential, merely because I was “fat”. Of course these were totally unrealistic and inappropriate attitudes, both then, and now.
Yet that's not to say that early thoughts of self-loathing didn't enter my thinking. Without having anyone, let alone myself, to reject those thoughts, they grew like untended weeds until they became ingrained in my feelings towards myself. From early teenage years through to my half-century, I lived with unforgiving self-objection. Even self-ridicule and constant remonstrations.
Most if not all “large” women who I have spoken to during the intervening years, have agreed they've experienced rejection, humiliation, fear, embarrassment, and/or cruel words and deeds by others at some time. They'll tell you they've done everything possible within their control to harness their eating habits, to change their life-styles, and to adapt to regimented exercise and diet regimes. A large number will confess they have considered at least one of the varied weight loss surgery procedures and quite a few have undergone those procedures. Not that they found all the answers under the surgeon’s scalpel, but they were desperate and tried anything to lose weight and to keep it off. Maintaining a healthy life afterwards has not always been possible for those women, but that’s another subject entirely.
Most pls size women will also tell you they've gone “without” - whether food, entertainment, socialising, opportunities, even “love” from another human being, because of their self loathing and hate, not only of their bodies but the very essence of their personalities.
Not only those things mentioned above, but a large majority of plus size women will confess to being the subject of domestic abuse and violence - not that that injustice and crime only applies to big women, but the percentages of honest and frank admissions of abuse in its many forms by partners and husbands (even siblings and parents) demand that laws be changed, and soon.
I counted myself in amongst those women who tried everything possible to meet other people’s unrealistic expectations and demands, and yes, also was the subject of abuse in many forms. Because you're reading this book, I believe I could include you, my reader, with many of these maligned and tormented human beings.
My school life was only happy in that I was quite sure I was not stupid, as many had said I was; and that I was teachable, contrary to the “not so” that my father had suggested! It took a couple of decades for me to also realise I could achieve success and fulfilment in a career that has spanned more than 65 years and continues to do so. Success and fulfilment to my entire satisfaction.
I found it natural to relate to people who had extremely low self-esteem. I gobbled up “education”, and set myself goals which even today I find quite astonishing, taking into account my early timidity and shyness. I remain an inveterate student of human behaviour and do my utmost to keep abreast of modern technology and trends insofar as I wish to do so.
I faced many obstacles and hurdles, mainly placed before me by those who said they cared, but who by their actions and words showed me, and the world, that they really couldn't have cared less.
Being told constantly you are fat and stupid and you'll never amount to anything because of your size, does have one sure outcome. If you hear it often enough, you'll believe it, and this is what happened to me. It is one of the most painful symptoms of being discriminated against and can be administered by a family member, friend or foe alike.
It came as a complete surprise to me to learn in adult years that I was not “fat and stupid” but merely a big girl, and to find also that I had the capacity to learn as well as to counsel and teach. Well! With that revelation, the world of unlimited opportunity opened to me like a flower unfolding.
But let’s take a step back. I grew up feeling wretched and ill at ease with other people. I was shy, insecure, lacking confidence, unassured and reserved. At times I was downright scared and frightened by what other people might do or say to, or about, me. I was afraid of being even more hurt and humiliated. I lived in fear of offending other people, even by my presence. My socialising was almost nil, until .......
But first let me tell you how I coped each day, as a FAT 20, 30, and 40 year old.
To be continued.
"Rose In Bloom" - © Copyright 2002-2020, Rosemary Parry-Brock, Australia
(Please bear in mind that this booklet was first printed in the 1990s. Compare that with today's)
Copyright © R Parry-Brock, 2002
Reprinted 2010
Reprinted 2012
Reprinted 2014
Reprinted 2017
Published on Blogger © Rosemary Parry-Brock, 2020
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ISBN 09577809 4
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