rose in bloom - being BIG and "of of control"
a plus size woman’s journey to discover her place in a world
where being slim is the unrealistic expectation for acceptance.
Being BIG and “out of control”
Sometimes, no doubt, like me you've had people say: “I didn't mean it.” Of course they've meant it - if they hadn't meant it, they wouldn't have said it. And they didn't mean to offend? Nonsense, that was their intention all along. They revel in the delight of putting us down, making us feel less than worthy, less of a woman. They don't care a hoot about our feelings, they’re only interested in being heard and thought of as being an expert. Most times when they attempt to make us look less of a person and more of a joke, they prove the only thing they’re good at is having extremely bad manners and being discriminatory. Which, of course they deny.
When people say they “didn’t mean it”, don't believe them. If people say things to hurt or offend or embarrass you, then look them in the eye and tell them so. Tell them “you've offended me, again, by your rudeness and intolerable attitude”. Let them know their behaviour is questionable, not yours. I refuse to allow anyone who says hurtful things to me today to get away with it. Even members of my family when they try to hide behind that excuse. And you shouldn't either - believe them, I mean. Don't waste your time in trying to be nice to them - they're not being nice to you, and anyway, you've got too many other important things to do, places to see, people to meet, to bother with them or about them, any more.
Being told “you're out of control, dear, get your act together!”, is downright rude, and insensitive. We jolly well know that something is out of control, but it isn't always us. We too often believe what everyone is saying, and we forget we are responsible and intelligent human beings who know ourselves better than they think they do. Control too often is taken out of our hands, simply by the fact other people forcibly take possession of that control. They like the power this gives them, because then, when you don't meet up to their expectations, they can say, “well, dear, I told you so.”
It takes much courage to stand up to these people. I know. They may be family, friends (well that's debatable!), doctors, sales people, in fact all sorts of people. But the effort is worth it, in the long run. After telling them their attitude offends and hurts you, ask them for their assistance and help. You may be pleasantly surprised at the response. Those people who don't respond sensitively and caringly aren't worth knowing, and the sooner you cross their names off your list, the better. You think this sounds a bit harsh? It's no harsher than their attitude towards you. Take control! Let them see even though you may be sorry to lose their friendship or whatever, that your life is yours, and if they want to share in it, then it is up to them to be more sensitive to your feelings. If this sounds an impossible task, let me ask you this? Who is important? You and your feelings, or other people who are rude, inconsiderate, discriminatory and not really pleasant to know?
My objective?
I no longer wanted to feel “out of control” and a cause for other people's ridicule
What I gained!
The first hint that bedded itself in my subconscious was there were other reasons for me feeling so unhappy about myself, other than merely my size
"Rose In Bloom" - © Copyright 2002-2020, Rosemary Parry-Brock, Australia
(Please bear in mind that this booklet was first printed in the 1990s. Compare that with today's attitudes.)
Copyright © R Parry-Brock, 2002
Reprinted 2010
Reprinted 2012
Reprinted 2014
Reprinted 2017
Published on Blogger © Rosemary Parry-Brock, 2020
All rights reserved. No part of this concept
or publication may be reproduced; stored in
a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form
or by any means electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, printing, scanning, recording,
CD, DVD, USB or otherwise, without the prior
permission of the author.
ISBN 09577809 4
Comments
Post a Comment