SERENDIPITY SANCTUARY

I've chosen to now disregard entirely the word “diet”!  It's a negative word, and it's a word that conjures up all sorts of horrendous “go-withouts!” It's a word that shouldn't be used to, or about, fat people. There are many other words to describe healthy eating habits in a far nicer and less rigid way, and we should insist the word “diet” as such be removed from our vocabulary. It's a word which gives a “defeatist” meaning.  Anyway, the word “diet” does not in reality mean a list of foods that restricts our eating. It means the life-style we live - what we do, where we go, what we read and how we socialise. In that description of course the food we eat falls within the socialising, but how is it we've allowed the true meaning of the word to be lost?  Because we have become used to the word describing the food we've GOT to eat and GOT to go without, we begin to think that we're never going to lose weight. We begin to think that w...

What did I do next?  I threw out all the “diet” books. Yes, every last one of them. I'm serious. This gave me a lot of pleasure. I didn't take time to go through them just in case I thought I really wanted or needed to keep one or two. Out, out, out, the whole lot of them. In some funny way, doing that opened up a lot of other doors of appreciation.  I found I could now read “typical” or everyday Recipe Books  ( not diet books) through different eyes.  Curiously I began to collect a small selection of cookery books, written by well-known cooks and chefs from right around the world, that contained recipes which appealed to me and some that I knew I considered to be “comfort food”.    I indulged in cookery books from the local newsagents, the local bookshops. I began to really think seriously about food, and how my body and my tastebuds reacted to those foods.  I began to create my own lists of favourites. Without the restriction of “good” ...

What did I do first?  I threw out the bathroom scales.  Honestly, I did.  I'm not joking. I've come to the conclusion that a weighing machine can do more harm than good; it’s not in your own attitude towards yourself, it’s in the attitude of those darn scales.   If you need to be weighed, then do it at your doctor’s or pharmacist’s rooms. The bathroom scales in my bathroom always gave me an inaccurate reading anyway, and no matter how “positive” I was before stepping on them, I invariably felt miserable immediately I stepped off them. What really do they achieve? They merely tell you that you are a certain weight - which means what? If you're not healthy at the weight you presently are, then that's another matter between you and your doctor. Never subject yourself to self recriminations or accept the constant harassment from a very unfriendly appliance such as bathroom scales - they'll never encourage you or inspire you in any way. They're not mad...

My fantastic, fabulous metamorphosis!  The day I truly understood I was a WOMAN first and foremost dawned bright and beautiful. Not unlike many other days. The big difference was that on this day an overwhelming and inner awareness came upon me that I was a woman; a feminine, female woman.   Not a “fat” woman but a wholesome, flesh and blood, real-life woman.  The fact I was a big woman was merely that; my size had and has nothing to do with the essence of my womanhood or my sensuality.   Can I please repeat that again.   Because I feel it’s important for all of us to take this in.  The fact we are big women is merely that: our size had and has absolutely nothing to do with the essence of our womanhood or our sensuality.    It was a special day for me. I sat and allowed the inexplicable awareness of “knowing” t o embrace my every fibre. I felt like I’d never felt before. Here I was a fifty year old at long last  “understanding” ...

Going to the doctor! As well as specialists and other so-called “professionals”  Tell me please, why is it when a fat woman goes to the doctor she often comes out feeling worse, worse, worse then when she went in? I think I've figured it out. It's all because many doctors and health professionals don't know how to really look and find the woman inside the fat outer covering, but only see someone who is bigger than they think she should be.  I've visited doctors and specialists who have literally snarled at me. Told me not to bother coming back. Told me they could do nothing for me until I did something for myself. Told me unless I lost weight I would be refused treatment at both their surgery and the local hospital. Were they only trying to help me by frightening me? They certainly frightened me - they scared the living daylights out of me, but they didn't help me!  An ingrown toenail is caused because you're overweight! Pimples are caused because y...

Me and my diets!  So what did I try? I think it would be more to the point to ask what I didn't try. I tried Weight Watchers more than once; Gloria Marshall; Jenny Craig more than once; Dr Atkins; the Israeli; the High Fibre; the Banana; the Beer; the Grapefruit; the Ice-cream; the All Fruit/Vegetable; the Egg; the Bread; the Chicken Liver; the Chicken Soup; the Milk; even the Chocolate diets. The so-called Mayo (Clinic) diets. I followed the water diet, the strawberry flavoured powder diet, the orange fibre diet. The Ultra Slim diet; the dog biscuit diet. The Cabbage Soup diet, the Fish Diet, the Rice diet. I fasted two days a week and then lived on salads. What about the time I only had lettuce and silver beet for fourteen days in a row. I have trouble even looking at lettuce now!  Oh yes, I lost weight. But after the diet, what happened? You've guessed it, I stacked the weight back on, and more. More, more, more. The more diets I tried, the more weight I put on. With t...

Going shopping!  Going shopping was a nightmare! Each time - every time. It was a matter of grit your teeth, get in the car, get to the supermarket, get as much as you can in the trolley without giving anyone the time to look at you, get out of the supermarket back into the car, and get back home; FAST.  Don't waste time, because people will look at you. People will point their finger at you. People will talk about you. People will laugh at you. They did to me.  I don't want to go through this every time I go out. I'm screaming with pain, but no one even gives me the time of day. No one comes up to me and tells me my hair looks nice, or that the colour of my clothes suit me, or that I look like I'm a kind person. I can't bear going shopping. It's driving me literally crazy.  People look at what I've put into the trolley. They then look me up and down. I know what they're thinking. They're thinking I'm a slob, and that I spend my enti...

Some days!...  a plus size woman’s journey to discover her place in a world  where being slim is the unrealistic expectation for acceptance  I'd stay in bed, and spend my time sleeping - because sleeping deadens the hurt and pain you're suffering each day. Anyway no one bothers you and you can sink deeper into your misery easily and it doesn't affect anyone else. You can be all alone and crawl into your snug small space under the doona and hide. Hide from the world and from yourself. Or some days I'd spend it reading. Why do we turn to Mills & Boon love stories when we feel lowest? It's because we can lose ourselves in our dreams and fantasies. Somewhere we believe there is a dark handsome stranger, even someone we might even know, waiting in the background ready to approach us. To take our large white hand in his dark bronzed one, to have it lifted to his lips for a sensual caressing featherlike whispering kiss. To have dark smouldering eyes loo...